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the blackest sheep amongst a crowd of them

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
7:05 pm - see how long we can hold onto this one
instead of beating myself up trying to figure myself out, i'm going to let go. instead of blaming other people and things from my past, i'm going to blame myself. it's my responsibility to make myself happy and nobody else's. thing that have happened to me havent made it so bad i can't have or deserve happiness. i dont have a problem using the word blame with myself, because i realize that i'm not happy about how i act all the time. so i am going to blame myself but realize that's not who i have to be NOW, and to the best of my mental and emotion ability, do what i can to be the person i feel i am and want to be.

i dont feel like being ashamed of myself anymore. and i dont need to figure myself out. i already know myself. this is me. and i like it.

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Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
12:20 pm
i've been doing pretty damn good for the last month. the counselor has helped a lot as far as helping me identify anxiety and what it is. i still have problems dealing with it, but at least i can identify it and i know i'm not crazy. i'm different, for sure, but it's not a bad thing.

i've also been poor as shit lately. about to go to money tree so i can pay rent. about to be unemployed, but i'm also looking at that as a good thing. i am looking forward to doing the things i want to do to feel like a productive member of society.

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Wednesday, April 28th, 2010
11:14 am
There's a party for Robin's birthday this FRIDAY April 30th!
Johnny Cheeseburger & the Cumbunnies and Half-Sac are going to play.

It's at her house. In the evening, whenever. BYOB. Music probably wont happen til about 9:00. If you need the address ask me.

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Monday, April 12th, 2010
4:36 pm

the dentist wasn't so bad this time. the other side of my mouth has been giving me a headache for almost 4 days now, and he sort of took a look at it. i dunno. it's giving me a constant sinus headache, something seems wrong.

and hey i got glasses. not from the dentist.

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7:27 am
i do NOT want to go to the dentist right now...

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Tuesday, April 6th, 2010
11:11 pm
an ex-marine profectionist father and 9 years of being strict conservative baptist will make a guy feel really guilty for feeling good about himself.

i dont write on here as much when i'm in a good mood. i wouldnt want to go back through this someday and not see a post from when i'm feeling okay about things.

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Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
12:51 am
i think i'm going to be alright. definitely more myself lately. tomorrow i see the dentist, the counselor again (it was *weird* the first time), and an eye doctor. maybe i'll get some awesome glasses and have less weirdness at work or at the grocery store or at other places where i'm looking at things way too closely for way too long.

i feel a little sad that people are less willing to like me when i show my super emotional side. but they've stuck around at least and it seems like people still trust me all the same, which is what's really important to me. i might have a lot of friends but nothing compares to the kind of friend you feel okay with telling absolutely anything to.

i'm going to try to stop beating myself up over past relationships as much as i have. i know that doesn't mean getting over them. i just dont seem to do that. but that's okay. i'd rather actually feel the cuts and bruises that come along with life than callous up and become numb, or jump from relationship to relationship to avoid feeling things out. it's a conscious decision i made for myself a long time ago, and i realized that it would come along with a lot of pain. but life is so short. it's not worth hiding from it. this is finally really me talking.

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Friday, March 26th, 2010
8:58 am
i'm about to go talk to a counselor for the first time in my life. i probably should have done this 15 years ago. but something tells me it wouldnt have changed much. something tells me i'll still wake up crying tomorrow. and not know how to deal with people or trust them or believe that they believe me and arent trying to hurt me all the time.

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Thursday, February 25th, 2010
9:40 am - Baiku

Our conquest begins.
Crushing hills and owning streets,
The prettiest green.

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Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
10:54 am - Happy Birthday!!!
Havin a birthday party at my house on Saturday Dec 19th! If you're reading this, i'm sure you're invited. We'll be playing music, video games, having some cocktails.

Maybe it will snow like last year and we can have another showshoe party!

Come over at like 8 or whenever.

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Saturday, October 31st, 2009
7:10 pm
i'm voting no on 1033, the "certain" revenue they're limiting is health, transportation, and education.

just so people rich enough to own houses might not have to pay so much on their property taxes. and you'd think people would realize that cutting those things would probably *lower* the value of their property...

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Friday, August 21st, 2009
10:24 am
i dont know if these are too big and i should LJ-Cut.

so last night we finished the car. there's some touch-up to do and it rained this morning so these pictures are wet and sexy.

also, my hair this week has been green.

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Thursday, August 20th, 2009
6:04 pm
day 5. some nice pirate punx kids stayed over last night, kayla and them just took off today for california for a big show with all the pirate punx chapters. they helped me tape up my car a little.

just me and rob now. and he's leaving tomorrow for portland. the car is almost done. just waiting for stuff to dry. i'll post pictures when it's all done. it's hard to spraypaint in this wind.

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Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
3:46 pm
day 3 occured on a taco tuesday. it was also my mom's birthday. spent some family time again, it was nice. ate at antique sammich shop, went thrift shoppin with mom after - one of my favorite pasttimes.

taco tuesday lead to a campfire at dano's house. it was pleasant and he has a thriving garden. sabrina came down, we all chilled out and drank in dano's backyard.

today is day 4. i've been masking my car off in order to spraypaint it. it's a lot more work than i had thought.

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Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
1:07 am - 7 days vacation!
day 1 was fun. i went to a mariner's game (i'm too into baseball ((yet)) but it's fun to watch) with my dad and spent some time. which i've neglected somewhat in the last 6 years so that was good.

day 2 was rough. but it started well and it ended well so that's okay.

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12:28 am

aw those are my favorite spiders. Tegenaria Duellica..."giant house spider". i never heard "giant garage spider" before but i kind of like that better. it makes them sound more like monsters. and they are.

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Monday, August 17th, 2009
1:45 pm - as far as i can tell
calling government health care "euthanasia" is like saying you deserve to keep your sick grandma alive because you make enough money. it's also saying that someone else's sick grandma deserves to die because they didnt make enough money.

i guess it's remotely possible that a government health care system could turn health care into a "death panel" of legislatures, but it would be a an easy bet to take to possibly avoid our current private system of a death panel of CEOs. the potential benefits outweigh the risk in this case, simply because if worse came to worse we'd be back where we started.

furthermore, this is america, and if you dont trust our president you must be some kind of terrorist. and my calvin-peeing-on-terrorism bumper sticker clearly defines me as being against that.

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Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
7:04 pm
i'm 28 and i just bought my first skateboard

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Thursday, April 30th, 2009
9:34 am - mayday
anyone have tomorrow off and want to go to any of the may day things going on? picnic in oly? speakers in tacoma? marches in seattle?

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Thursday, February 12th, 2009
9:28 pm - valentine's day party
Come to Owl House on Saturday Night for a Valentine's Day Party Singles/Doubles Tournament

we're playing wii tennis, doubles vs singles - so if you've got a date, take on the other losers who dont and show em what luv's all about. if you're comin' stag - enter as a single and play against the other uglies for a chance to humiliate the champion couple, ruin their valentine's day romance, and ultimately cause a chain reaction that results in someone "sleeping on the couch tonight!" revenge!!

it's free. the winner will get a trophy of some kind. it'll be rad. there's also beer and arcade games (bring some booze if you can). so be here. the tournament starts at 10:00!

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